Fuck this shit...

I am so fucking sick of people, sick of everyone. Everyone expects so much more of me, some people just use me. Fuck it, I give up. I just want to be in my own world, where eveyone doesn't fucking care about stupid things. Just fuck this shit. I miss it when everyone was happy and i was actually excited to go to school, those days friends were friends. Now friends can mean so much more fucking opposite things... betrayal, untrustworthy, faggots, dickheads, fakes, fucking whores and sluts and attention seekers. I'm sick of it, i'm sick of people trying to get attention and hurt everyone else. Fucking get over it bitch. I'm sick of people hurting other people. I'm sick or people being mad at me for no fucking reason. I'm sick of people bottling up something so old and only releasing their anger now, out it the open, where everything is happy. I'm sick of people treating friendship as shit. I'm sick of fucking people lying to me. The sickest of all, is the fucking friends who don't even give a fuck about you, that lie to your face. I'm fucking sick of the some of the people i hang with, they're all fucking bitches, they're too fucking insensitive and untrustworthy and unloyal. Fucking people don't even know how to value friendship. I just hate all this fucking hate over nothing, people seriously, just suck it in and get over it, people have it worst than you. So if it's just a fucking whining, get over it. I just realized people are not what they seem to be, that's why i have to see the worst in someone, because if it does come true, i wouldn't be hurt.

My Best Friend

I love you. I don't want to ask anything of you, because you're already too special for me. I know it's been hard being my best friend, because you go through every hurt I go through, maybe more hurt I go through, but i guess that's what best friends are for. I know you and me are really different, but i guess opposites attract, and our lives wouldn't be that interesting if we're two of the same people. But different people have different opinions, and i know we fight a lot sometimes because of that. :P I know we had our really tough ups and downs, but i want you to know I would always be there for you. If you turn evil, i'll turn evil too :P And I know i can be a real selfish and insensitive bitch sometimes, but i guess no one's perfect. Part of being best friends are accepting their good sides and their bad sides. And when we're fighting, i just can't stand you hating me, cause you mean the world to me... I just want to say how sooo much i love you my crazy bitch.. and i hope we won't grow apart.. ever.

The truth is everyone is going to hurt you...

Today, I saw a young boy on the train. He was wild and full of life and was rolling on the floor of the train like there's no tomorrow. He had no care of the world, and what people would think of him, he was just having the time of his life. I miss those times, the times of a childhood where troubles did not exist, where we only cried over silly things, where we played and played with not a care of the world and the people surrounding us, and lived for the sole purpose of having fun. But now, our world has grown into such a bigger, complicated world, where a word or a phrase can cut us so deeply, our hearts break into pieces. A world where misery and pain is easily touched upon. A world where we are judged and shunned. A world that is full of suffering, betrayal and endless hurt. I miss the times, the times where you know everything's going to be alright, that bad things won't happen to you because it just doesn't. The times where worries are swept away by just a kiss or comfort from parents. The times where we are who we are, and we don't hide ourselves, we let them out, good or bad. I miss the times where we are constantly protected, where we are shielded from hurtful thoughts. The times where all we have to do is LIVE.  

Giving Up =(

This is totally contradictory to my previous post of never giving up. But shouldn't you just give up because you know fighting won't make a difference? Or fighting will lead to more unbearable hurt? Is it worth it to fight into a battle of an unknown outcome, where you could be wounded deadly and never be able to recover perfectly, would it just be better to be a coward and escape an unpredictable misery? What if love is the prize of a gruesome battle, would you fight for it? What if someone beats you to the prize? What if all that fighting isn't worth the price of the prize? To be or not to be? We're in a chain of constant wonder and puzzlement of what would be the outcome of our actions for love. Love is such a dear prize, where cold tears run down our faces, suffering may touch our skins, pain may stamp our souls, sacrifices that have to be made, all these trouble for what? Aye, for love.

Heartbroken

Wow, it's been such a long time since I've wrote in this. Well maybe it's because my life hasn't been that interesting lately, but now I've got something that I wanna spill the beans out about. I am feeling pretty down in the deep blue ocean right now. It feels horrible. It just happened, I don't know what happened but it did. I fell for one of my closest guy friends, it sounds like the beginning of a wonderful love story, it's not... He was just a normal friend which I would hang out with, talk to every day, share a joke with. But this year, this new "amazing" year of 2012, I don't know... I just somehow fell for him.  I thought it was just a weird crush, that it would go away once I found a cute guy I can day dream about. But i don't know, i see him kinda differently now, i notice when our skins touch, and what his reactions are when we talk. Well now that I know that he likes someone else, i feel really hurt and i know now truly that i did like him, and it wasn't just a temporary crush, it was real. And i just wanna sit in a corner and bawl my eyes out, because it hurts... I've seen my friends cry their hearts out because their crushes have been taken by some other pretty girl, and I've seen them gone through the pain, and I never realized how bad it hurts, when someone you want so bad wants somebody else just as badly. And the world is not fair, you can't get what you want, even though how hard you try, you would just get hurt instead. 

Death =?

Some people say we must embrace death, some say we must be scared of it, but what is beyond death is what we should wonder. Would there be a heaven? A hell? Or would we be reborn into an endless cycle of human life? It's intriguing because different religions have different beliefs and it would be an amazing discovery if we have factual prove of what happens in the afterlife. And death, to say the truth, I am a bit scared. I am scared to die too young, of not fulfilling my life with all the things i want to do, of not finding happiness. There's so many things in the world I would want to do, travel the world, fine true love, and if I meet death in the eye too early, I wouldn't be able to do all the things I want, and my life, all my memories would be limited to the day I die. If I die, would there be new life waiting for me? Or a life of endless happiness in the heavens. Would the light you see when you pass away be the light you see when you are given birth to? I hope for me and everyone that we all get the life we want and embrace death when we are ready and that we have lived life to the fullest extent. =)