Fuck this shit...

I am so fucking sick of people, sick of everyone. Everyone expects so much more of me, some people just use me. Fuck it, I give up. I just want to be in my own world, where eveyone doesn't fucking care about stupid things. Just fuck this shit. I miss it when everyone was happy and i was actually excited to go to school, those days friends were friends. Now friends can mean so much more fucking opposite things... betrayal, untrustworthy, faggots, dickheads, fakes, fucking whores and sluts and attention seekers. I'm sick of it, i'm sick of people trying to get attention and hurt everyone else. Fucking get over it bitch. I'm sick of people hurting other people. I'm sick or people being mad at me for no fucking reason. I'm sick of people bottling up something so old and only releasing their anger now, out it the open, where everything is happy. I'm sick of people treating friendship as shit. I'm sick of fucking people lying to me. The sickest of all, is the fucking friends who don't even give a fuck about you, that lie to your face. I'm fucking sick of the some of the people i hang with, they're all fucking bitches, they're too fucking insensitive and untrustworthy and unloyal. Fucking people don't even know how to value friendship. I just hate all this fucking hate over nothing, people seriously, just suck it in and get over it, people have it worst than you. So if it's just a fucking whining, get over it. I just realized people are not what they seem to be, that's why i have to see the worst in someone, because if it does come true, i wouldn't be hurt.

My Best Friend

I love you. I don't want to ask anything of you, because you're already too special for me. I know it's been hard being my best friend, because you go through every hurt I go through, maybe more hurt I go through, but i guess that's what best friends are for. I know you and me are really different, but i guess opposites attract, and our lives wouldn't be that interesting if we're two of the same people. But different people have different opinions, and i know we fight a lot sometimes because of that. :P I know we had our really tough ups and downs, but i want you to know I would always be there for you. If you turn evil, i'll turn evil too :P And I know i can be a real selfish and insensitive bitch sometimes, but i guess no one's perfect. Part of being best friends are accepting their good sides and their bad sides. And when we're fighting, i just can't stand you hating me, cause you mean the world to me... I just want to say how sooo much i love you my crazy bitch.. and i hope we won't grow apart.. ever.

The truth is everyone is going to hurt you...

Today, I saw a young boy on the train. He was wild and full of life and was rolling on the floor of the train like there's no tomorrow. He had no care of the world, and what people would think of him, he was just having the time of his life. I miss those times, the times of a childhood where troubles did not exist, where we only cried over silly things, where we played and played with not a care of the world and the people surrounding us, and lived for the sole purpose of having fun. But now, our world has grown into such a bigger, complicated world, where a word or a phrase can cut us so deeply, our hearts break into pieces. A world where misery and pain is easily touched upon. A world where we are judged and shunned. A world that is full of suffering, betrayal and endless hurt. I miss the times, the times where you know everything's going to be alright, that bad things won't happen to you because it just doesn't. The times where worries are swept away by just a kiss or comfort from parents. The times where we are who we are, and we don't hide ourselves, we let them out, good or bad. I miss the times where we are constantly protected, where we are shielded from hurtful thoughts. The times where all we have to do is LIVE.  

Giving Up =(

This is totally contradictory to my previous post of never giving up. But shouldn't you just give up because you know fighting won't make a difference? Or fighting will lead to more unbearable hurt? Is it worth it to fight into a battle of an unknown outcome, where you could be wounded deadly and never be able to recover perfectly, would it just be better to be a coward and escape an unpredictable misery? What if love is the prize of a gruesome battle, would you fight for it? What if someone beats you to the prize? What if all that fighting isn't worth the price of the prize? To be or not to be? We're in a chain of constant wonder and puzzlement of what would be the outcome of our actions for love. Love is such a dear prize, where cold tears run down our faces, suffering may touch our skins, pain may stamp our souls, sacrifices that have to be made, all these trouble for what? Aye, for love.

Heartbroken

Wow, it's been such a long time since I've wrote in this. Well maybe it's because my life hasn't been that interesting lately, but now I've got something that I wanna spill the beans out about. I am feeling pretty down in the deep blue ocean right now. It feels horrible. It just happened, I don't know what happened but it did. I fell for one of my closest guy friends, it sounds like the beginning of a wonderful love story, it's not... He was just a normal friend which I would hang out with, talk to every day, share a joke with. But this year, this new "amazing" year of 2012, I don't know... I just somehow fell for him.  I thought it was just a weird crush, that it would go away once I found a cute guy I can day dream about. But i don't know, i see him kinda differently now, i notice when our skins touch, and what his reactions are when we talk. Well now that I know that he likes someone else, i feel really hurt and i know now truly that i did like him, and it wasn't just a temporary crush, it was real. And i just wanna sit in a corner and bawl my eyes out, because it hurts... I've seen my friends cry their hearts out because their crushes have been taken by some other pretty girl, and I've seen them gone through the pain, and I never realized how bad it hurts, when someone you want so bad wants somebody else just as badly. And the world is not fair, you can't get what you want, even though how hard you try, you would just get hurt instead. 

Death =?

Some people say we must embrace death, some say we must be scared of it, but what is beyond death is what we should wonder. Would there be a heaven? A hell? Or would we be reborn into an endless cycle of human life? It's intriguing because different religions have different beliefs and it would be an amazing discovery if we have factual prove of what happens in the afterlife. And death, to say the truth, I am a bit scared. I am scared to die too young, of not fulfilling my life with all the things i want to do, of not finding happiness. There's so many things in the world I would want to do, travel the world, fine true love, and if I meet death in the eye too early, I wouldn't be able to do all the things I want, and my life, all my memories would be limited to the day I die. If I die, would there be new life waiting for me? Or a life of endless happiness in the heavens. Would the light you see when you pass away be the light you see when you are given birth to? I hope for me and everyone that we all get the life we want and embrace death when we are ready and that we have lived life to the fullest extent. =)

Try =D

Some people don't believe in love, don't believe they're good enough to find their soulmate. Well that's total bull, because THERE IS a person out there for you, and you just have to try everyday and put yourself out there. Look at the millions of couples in the world who found love and got married and grew old together. There is so much people in the world who have found love and that includes you. If you just believe that there is no one out there for you then why don't you just give up now. Just drop all your faith and don't even try. If you believe that, that means your whole life ahead of you is just emptiness. You, yourself and your cats. Because true love is all we all want, the reward for our tumbles and stumbles, the thing that keeps us going, keeps us waking up every morning. Love is our life. If you fall down along the way, it's okay, it's better than giving up, at least you tried. At least you made the decision to fight, I know and it is a fact, that there is someone out there for you. And all you have to do is put yourself out there and TRY.

DANCE LIKE A BOSS =D

Trust =?

Trust once broken can't be completely fixed again. That tiny breach in trust leaves a gap that can never be covered nor rebuilt. Because, when you put all your trust and faith in someone, it means you don't have to worry if they'll betray you, you'll always know they'll have your back. And once they break it, it's an overwhelming feeling of hurt and pain, when someone believed to catch you when you fall, turns their back, tears you down, and lets you fall, your trust in them just drops and shatters to a hundred pieces. We can always try to mend it, slowly bonding it back together to it's old form, but there's always a missing piece, a piece that will never be found, and it'll always be different.

Users =(

Do you have that friend, that's always EXTRA friendly to you when they need you to help them with something, or just need to "use" you? One moment they act like they don't know you and the other they hug you and hang around you like you're suddenly best friends. It's so annoying how they only get close to you just to use you, they don't appreciate the friendship, they manipulate it and use it for their own good. And after they're done with you, they just go back to their own ways, avoiding you and ignoring you like you've never met them before. It's the way they start the relationship that's scary, their suddenly nice to you and talk to you alot, and... you start to believe that she's actually trying to be friends with you, and they use that vulnerability, that belief and turn it around. Using that friendship, they try and ask you to do things, from wanting you to do her homework, be their personal "slave", be their back up in case something bad goes down, to take the blame, to do stupid things. And some people, they will actually do it, be the back up, take the blame, just because they don't want to lose this "friendship", well it's fake, it's all just lies. After they're done, they'll just dump you right where they found you, we have to realize which ones are our real friends and which ones are our fake.  

The Guy I Want

I want a guy who will never let me fall, hold me tight and never let me go.

Expectations =)

I always have high expectations of every thing. I want my life to be like in the movies. And I always hope something special will happen every day, something extraordinary that will change my life. I want so bad to find a guy that can appreciate me and love me. I wish there was music in every thing I do, sad music when i'm sad, happy music when I'm happy. Well, i have a whole life ahead of me, and maybe i'll find that extraordinary thing, day by day getting closer to it.  

Vampire Diaries Songs =D

  

Don't Take Love For Granted =/

Don't take things for granted, just because it seems you'll have an endless supply of it, doesn't mean it'll stay forever. They are so much things people take granted for, food, water, there are millions of people in the world that have to survive days without it, thirsty and hungry while we just waste away. And it is unfair, because we want to help, we want to help save starving children, we just don't know how to.  Another thing we take for granted is love. Even though it seems they'll never leave you, they'll stay by your side forever, you'll never know what will happen, they could die the next day. So embrace love, appreciate love, don't waste love, give love, spread love. And love someone with your whole heart and don't take their love for granted. <3

Great Expectations =?

Learning not to expect too much from anything because great expectations lead to great disappointments.

Ignoring =?

This is for my best friend =). Ignoring to get over someone is not going to truly work. If you try to ignore him, yes, you're feelings for him will start to reduce, but it will never truly heal. You'll always have that little spark in you. What if you see him, bump into him, catches his eye, won't you get all excited again? And you're little spark will spread like a wild fire and all your feelings for him will surface and all that hard work will all be gone. Truly getting over him takes time. Don't picture him as a god-like person, how cute and great he is, think about all his bad features, physical flaws, and keep on reminding yourself that he's not the one for you. Challenge yourself and look at him, see if you have that same old spark in you, if you do, keep on trying, do your best. Stop fantasizing and thinking about him, keep yourself busy. ;) i already know you do because you have the most busiest schedule in the world. Plus, you should like another guy, helps you get over someone more easier. =P Just remind yourself, this was not meant to be, if it was, you will know it. =) 

The Almost True Me =)

Guys =)

Makes my heart beat faster =D

I hope he does that... =)

First move =)

So, I'm the kind of girl that wants the guy to make the first move. I'm scared if I make the first move I'll get rejected or come up as pushy and try hard. But someday, I'm going to stand up and face my fears, I'll never truly know how you feel about me if I just wait it out. That's someday =P But now, I'll just do my best, try everyday to get your attention, try to know you more, try to get you to like me. Then maybe, you're the one who would make the first move =)

Live Life =)

 Live Life =)

Don't Be Shy =)

 Have Fun =)

       

                      

Good Night =)

Wish you were mine =)

I wish you would hug me tight and never let me go =)

=)

I have died everydayWaiting for youDarling, don't be afraid,I have loved you for aThousand yearsI'll love you for aThousand more

And all along I believedI would find youTime has broughtYour heart to meI have loved you for aThousand yearsI'll love you for aThousand more

Spoilt =?

It was a long time since I've been "pursuing" boys, because for the most of this year, the boys came to me, I'm not sure what they see in me but I was just being myself. But now, I have this guy I like, I'm not sure if he's interested in me, but I have to "pursue" him =) , and I've been spoilt rotten I don't even know if i know how to flirt with guys anymore =) And it's so tiring how you try and try everyday and you wish there was some, just a tiny bit of improvement or sign of him liking you. And for me, I'm used to guys trying to ask me out I forgot how it was the other way round. Trying to make eye contact, trying to talk to him, smiling every time you see him, trying not to act retarded around him, all these stuff you have to consider. I forgot how that feels, that excitement, that butterflies in your stomach, and you just want to scream out loud "LOOK AT ME!!". Liking someone, it is such a frustrating feeling, but there's this sense of happiness whenever he's around, and you say to yourself "ACT COOL", and all you want to do is show him you're better. I wish that I could Google how he feels about me. I wish he would make the first move =)

Love =)

Music =)

I am not really a person who listens to music much, but sometimes when I'm sad, I just lay on the ground in my bedroom and listen to a sad song and just close my eyes and let the music flow through me. It's not what most people do when they're sad, but it's what i do. It calms me, and I usually find lyrics in the song that relates to my situation and play the song over and over again until i'm calm or cheered up =) So for the people out there who are sad, just lie down and listen to a song and just close you eyes.

YOU =)

I hope I can be one step closer to you everyday, and bit by bit, I want to be standing right next to you =)

I want you but is there something there for me in you?

=DDDDD

Not knowing =)

Not knowing what will happen. There's this whole big future out there for us, and we will never know what will happen till it has, will we be happy, will we die tomorrow, will we get divorced, will we have kids, will we be successful, will we meet the one? We live life not knowing what will happen tomorrow, all we can do is hope for the best, and live for today. I don't know when I'll meet the one, it could be tomorrow, two days later, 4 years later? I'll never know. But I know he's out there waiting for me, just like i'm i'm waiting for him. A lot of people wish they could see the future, but our destiny is easily changed by the choices we make, even the little ones. So what we do now affects our path, so what's the point of hoping everyday, when all you've got to do is start now, make the right decisions, mistakes are fine, nobody's perfect, live the moment, seize the day, create your own future.

Girls =D

AHAHA XD

A Thousand Years =)

Paradise =)

Watch Me =)

There are so many people who drag us down and say that "YOU CAN'T". We have all these pressure from people telling us what we can't and can do, and we believe them, and we're just constricted between the limits THEY set, but all you have to is just believe in yourself and realize it's not about them, it's about YOU. Your life doesn't revolve around them but it revoles around YOU. There is so much things you can do and don't be confined by what other people believe but do what YOU believe.  There are so many people out there who will tell you that you can't. But all you've got to do is turn around and say "Watch Me".    

Romance =)

We all have our different versions of romantic dates, well i'm more of an informal kinda romance girl. I hate having to dress up all pretty to go to a silly dinner date in a expensive restaurant, in a crowded area. I would prefer getting hotdogs or fries from a food stall at night, and just roaming the streets and talk without the formality. Or also hanging out in a small open park at night, where it's dark and quiet, and all you can see is the stars, and we can just talk or fool around a bit ;) I would also like going to the movies with him, and I can lean on his shoulder and haha, for him to do that old yawning trick. Or maybe just going to the beach and watch the sunset. I want a guy who can give me his coat when it's cold and can open the door for me. That can protect me from anything and is always there for me. That can hold on to me tight and never let me go. I want a guy that is just right for me =)

In Love =?

Have you ever fallen for a guy so much you think you're in love? Your heart beats faster when you're near him, and you grin whenever you hear his name. You get excited when he looks at you, talks to you, teases you, and you're hoping so much that he likes you back. You wonder at night about him, the things he said to you, the actions he made, trying to find little signs in there if he likes you. You get jealous or depressed when he talks to another girl, looks at another girl, and your heart just aches for him to do the same to you. For the guy I like, I don't know what made me like him but I do, and a lot, I just wish he likes me back, don't we all? But I'll keep trying, no matter what anyone says, as a wise person once said "just follow your heart";)

Be unique =)

Don't try to fit in with everyone else, be individually unique

Popularity =?

Being popular is one of the common things we desire, having the highest status, having the most friends, getting invited to cool parties, having the front row seat in high school. The popular kids seem so happy and seem like they're enjoying life everyday, but on the inside, are they really? In my opinion being popular is a tough life, you have to live up to your status, cool, slutty and full of swag. You change yourself into this person people look upon, so different than the real you, and you put this appearance up everyday at school and you're so use to it you turn into this totally opposite person. And what if you're popularity decreases, you drink alcohol, smoke, swear a lot, you think that makes you look cool and it will increase your status but it'll only make you look like a pooh. People want to be popular so bad, but I have to admit, I am fully contented of being how I am right here, the normal, ordinary students. We can just live our school life freely without having to live up to an image, and if we screw things up, who cares? But if the popular kids screw things up, everybody knows, and everybody would be judging them. So being just the ordinary means we don't have to live up to the high expectations of everybody and just be ourselves, live our teen years, make mistakes without being judged. Popularity has it's perks but don't get lured in the dark side just because they have cookies. 

Guy Friends =)

Don't you just love guy friends? They can tease you and make you laugh. You can have so much fun with them and you don't have to worry about putting on make up or dressing up pretty, and you can just be yourself without them judging you. They are also always there for you, and really good at listening, and give you guy advice and the guy's perspective of your problem or situation. They are also laid back and you can have weird conversations with them without it being awkward, and it always cheers you up, but most of my guy friends have dirty minds ;). And you can just hangout with them and learn a little about guy stuff like video games ;) Hehehe, I kinda punch my guy friends alot, they're fun to play with, unlike girl friends when you punch them they get hurt and die. I hate it when girls can't just hangout with their guy friends without being called a slut, I mean it's none of their business. I'm just writing this post to appreciate my guy friends and how much they mean to me, they're an escape from the gossip and pressure and you can just relax and be yourself with them. 

Best Friends in Love =)

I love the fact how girl and boy best friends can turn their relationship into something much deeper. They know much about anything about each other and accept them for who they are, and you don't have to worry about them seeing your casual or crazy side, because they already know you like the back of their hand. They know your favourite stuff, what you hate, what you like, they've gone through good and bad with you and has seen your hyperventilating laughing face, and you're torn ugly crying face. So you don't have to worry because you know they got your back.  

Wrong love? =/

I have this friend. She is still in love with her ex and has hooked up with him a couple of times even though he's a jerk and he'll never treat her right. To my best friend who never understands her. Why is she still in love with him? Because, she is lonely, she just got dumped by her boyfriend(not the one we're talking about) and if you read my earlier posts, you'll know how empty it feels when someone so close to you leaves, and her ex- is kinda the rebound guy. But she then finds out she still has feelings for him, she thought she got over him, but there is still a tiny spark in her. And she gets more attached to him, and it's not about the rebounding anymore, she thinks about him, the memories she use to have with him, even though her whole body is telling her not to, she got hurt the last time, but she still wants him. Why though? Even though he's a jerk. She's thinking about all the fun times she had with him, how she had fallen for him, and how their relationship was so special, she doesn't want to think about how it ended, she's believing that maybe this time he won't be a jerk, he'll appreciate me, i'll be better, i know this time he wouldn't. She's tricking herself. She's used to all her friends telling her not to, she just ignores our warnings. I know how badly you dislike her, but try understanding her first. =)

Life =)

This is for my best friend =) You know how you're so paranoid about everything and you don't want things to screw up? I love that about you. Answering your question here, "But sometimes i really don’t know the right decision, I mean how can you just KNOW?" Well, life isn't about making the right decisions, it's about living in the moment, following your heart, everything doesn't have to be accurate, we all make mistakes and nobody's perfect. How do you know if you made the right decision? I have no idea? That's for everybody to find out. You can never be 100% sure, but you'll know it, don't ask me how but you just do. I know there are lots of decisions in life even the little ones too but don't plan your life, create it and live it without regrets, if you regret every little mistake you've done, then all you'll do is just live in misery. Haha, you know how I said there's always someone out there for you? That perfect person? There is, even if he's your 99%, as you said the world is this humongous place and it could be anyone from this billions of people, but if you were meant to be with him, nothing in the world would stop you two from being together. 

Fear of rejection =(

The fear of rejection, a mixture of uncertainty and paranoia. We withdraw ourselves from the world because our minds are imprinted with this image of us being rejected and turned down before we even attempt to try. This fear change the way we view life, we only see the “safe” things, the things that we definitely can do, but don’t you want to try the other possibilities? Life is a risk we have to take, there is no such thing as being better than someone else, you just have to be the best in you, put yourself out there, if you live within the limits then you’re not really living are you? You are who you are and you create your own destiny, live everyday like there’s no tomorrow. =)

You Are Beautiful =)

You are beautiful and you know it. =)

Don't Let Me Go =) I LOVE this song

Look up at the sky =)

Do you ever look up at the sky and feel this rush of happiness, when the warm sun lays on your skin, and your whole body just feels warm. Just sit down on the ground, somewhere quiet, then close your eyes, and let your senses flow, hear the wind, the leaves rattle, feel the wind blowing against your skin, reach to the ground and just dig your fingers in, feeling the warm grass or soil. Live the moment. Then open your eyes and look at the bright blue sky. I always have this sense of remembrance when I look at the sky, thinking about my life and how my decisions made me what I am today, and I also have this longing of the past, how things were so simple. Watching the sun set, a beautiful ceremony for the end of the day but also a ceremony for the starting of the night. I live somewhere with little skyscrapers, the night sky streamed with shining stars, all of them individually unique. Looking at the moon, knowing how someone out there is also looking at the exact same thing. Looking at the sky, I feel this sense of peacefulness and this calm feeling. Whenever I'm mad, I'll just open the window and look at the sky, hoping there's a sign from above to guide me, but we make our own path, not follow others.